Friday, July 31

Blocked Gates

I wasn't going to post again til next week cos I just posted a new post yesterday (I will reply to your comments there soon, thanks!). But I just had to write this one today...cos what happened to a young schoolgirl in a leading Girls' school in Colombo Sri Lanka, had me in total shock and in sheer disgust at the authorities and the mockery of a so-called system. I just had to share this true story with may open up your hearts, make you look at your brothers/sisters/friends/children under a new shade of light, may make you understand that after all, we are all human...and imposing rules and regulations, and expecting high standards of discipline from one another need to be done in a careful, respectful and in an effective manner.

The article is
here. However, the script is in Sinhalese, therefore some of you may not be able to read the article or see her pictures. But I hope you can read the comments there - some of them are in English, and most of them are revolting! It made me very sad to realise that there are downright stupid, judgemental and heartless people out there.

I'll tell you her story first. The girl was just 14yrs old, and attended this very popular Girls' school in Colombo (some of my friends and cousins went to that same school years ago). Just last week or so, this girl had been checking some nude photos/videos on her mobile phone in her classroom. Prefects walked in and caught her checking out some porn pics. So what did the prefects and the teachers do? Made her feel extremely awful, downright dirty, scolded her and have reported her to the Principal. They also warned that her cell will go to her parents' and she will be dealt with seriously. So what did the very-scared and humiliated girl do? She said she needed to go to the toilet, but didnt come back after 20mins or so. Students went to check on her and they found her there. Not alive though. She hung herself to her death, with the aid of her school tie!

WOW clap clap clap teachers and prefects! You must be very proud of 'achieving' your alma-mater's discipline standards? Or is it that you're gonna live with extreme guilt and regret for the rest of your lives? I think the latter!

What is wrong with our society? Some comments in that article made me wanna puke! It seems most Sri Lankans are still living in total denial of what's REAL and what's NATURAL to humanbeings. Sex, Porn, Nudity etc are part of this world...and they are very real. It's not something to be ashamed of or something that should make one feel disgusted. Sure, school kids need to be monitored and disciplined...but there are respectful and effective ways of doing so. Making one feel awful, small, dirty and disrespected is surely not one of them! There were some naked pics in her what? Is Porn such a big deal that curious kids need to be made to feel so terrible for exploring what is quite natural to any pubertal humanbeing? While they need to be 'educated' about sex and sexuality, no one has the right to make another feel dirty and wrong for being experimental. I think culture plays a big part here...Sri Lankans want to preserve their 'virgin' culture more than the lives itself! Quite the sad truth there. I'm appalled at how some people said that she deserved to die and that if she lived, she'd have turned into a prostitute some day! How very ignorant and callous. I have never seen Stupidity like that before! We are all different, we all have our curiosities, we all have our ways, we all need some guidance at some stage in our lives, we all DESERVE a second chance...don't we?

What happened was a terrible mistake on behalf of the school, teachers and the prefects. But they are denying any responsibility. Not surprised there at all. I guess they just want to preserve their 'pure' image that they carried on for years even at the cost of the life of one of their own? And now the Telecom Director of Sri Lanka is banning mobile phones from ALL schools in SL! HAHA is this even a solution? A quick fix that will really fix nothing! It's all a big joke. I strongly believe it's the school's and the culture's responsibility...her death happened due to the failure of an incompetent, outdated, gullible and an irresponsible system. Education and living face to face with the Truth is the only way to instil true discipline. And there is always a WAY to get a message across to someone. That way is very important. It's got to be effective or else you better not say it at all. Any thoughts? Honest opinions please.

Don't block the view...don't put barbed-wires around Truth and Nature...don't close the doors. Let them enter...let them see for themselves...let them know what it's all about. Let them understand without any fear or guilt. Cos, when the gates get blocked, the pressure will blow them into pieces....

PS: If something/someone's bothering you, talk to someone, get help, think twice before you take drastic is much more worth living than giving into a problem or to a bunch of bullies. And there's always someone who will understand how you feel - and it doesnt always have to be your teachers, parents or even friends. To save your life or someone else's And when you wanna help someone, talk to them in an 'effective' way. Cos you never know 'how' you say something to another would ultimately affect them. Take care people and have a good weekend!

Current Music: How To Save A Life by The Fray

Thursday, July 30

For Butter Or For Worse!

Ok let's have some fun! I will give you a list of words. Take each word (or whichever ones you prefer) and tell me if they are Male or Female, AND tell me why. Simple, isn't it? Cool! Now here are some examples (my own ones) just so that you get the hang of it.

Google - Female. Cos it's very useful and it's almost equivalent to GOD!
Butter- Male. Cos it's 'useless' when it's frozen and without something to 'spread' itself on!
Cars - Male. Cos they r good when they are brandnew but after a few years they suck big time and make you wanna puke by the roadside!
Poster Ads - Female. Cos they are often looked at, stands out and always have a message to convey. ;-)
Balloons - Male. Cos you have to 'blow' them for them to reach their 'full' potential!
Condoms - Female. Cos they often protect you from having to deal with unwanted 'consequences' in life, but if damaged can give you lifelong 'nightmares'!
Bra - Male. Cos they are glued to breasts!
Cats - Male. Cos they sleep all day, hog the couch eternally, eat, burp and really do nothing else!

Get the drift? :) Good. So here is your list. Have a go, make it spicey, fun, smart, crisp, clear and interesting!



Current Music: Man I Feel Like A Woman! by Shania Twain

Tuesday, July 28

After The Pretty

In the depth of this pain, there's a glimmer of hope..
At the top of this joy, there's a tinge of betrayal
In the stillness of the night, there's a life beginning..
In the empty of this life, there's a fill of breaths
At the bottom of this darkness, there's a birth of light..
In the core of this laughter, there's a mile of tears
At the height of rejection, there's a span of acceptance..
In the beauty of this smile, there's a crooked deception...

I'm not sure why I wrote what I wrote above. Something deep within me wanted me to express it somehow. Those thoughts just popped up in my mind and I inked them. Maybe there's something in my subconscious mind that needs to be taken care of. I don't know. Maybe how some people have been behaving has made me stop in my tracks and ponder upon it. Maybe I'm not sure where I'm heading with all of this...I feel lost. Maybe I'm feeling a sense of detachment...maybe I'm tired of people's lies. What happens after all the pretty words are being said? Where do friends go after that? It seems people have left and I'm still here, living in their afterglow...reliving the times in their shadows. I'm caught in your shadow and all I have is hollow. Was it real? Was it a joke? Was it just me?

Can you relate to it/understand it/make sense out of it? Spill em. I'd like to know. Thanks in advance.

Current Music: Afterglow by INXS

Monday, July 27

It's Automanic!

It's manic Monday so let's be manic to the fullest! I have a deep dark secret...yes I do. Ready to hear it? I'm 1% sane, 99% manic! OMG being manic is automatic to me! It's been designed in my genes. Too late to fix it. I was born with it. Can't help it. So deal with it! btw those who couldn't deal with me have already left *goodbye madness, hello sadness? it's your loss btw! ;-)*. Here are some of the manic qualities in me that cannot be cured, simply cos it's automanic!

*Sometimes I put about 5 sachets of sugar in my coffee while chatting with a colleague in the kitchen, until he starts to look at me as if I'm some kind of maniac that he shouldn't be in the vicinity of! And I drink the coffee as if nothing is wrong with it and ask my colleague why he's giving me strange looks? *weirdo, he needs rehab!* Then when he has left, I realise my coffee tastes like a Coma-fix!

*I eat at the oddest times of the day. If I get hungry at 1am, I will get up, go to my fridge, microwave some left-overs, sit on the couch, turn the TV on and eat the food while thinking of what my next blogpost is gonna be! My creative juices flow when I'm all alone and in the stillness of the night. I come to life at night. Im eerie yes! *freaky night-owl sounds follow...whoo-ooo-whoo-oo!*

*Sometimes I have conversations with the walls. Yes I talk to myself too. There's a person living inside of me who guides me through my every move, laughs at me, makes fun of me, compliments me, tells me right from wrong, bitches at me, goes to the shower with me, eats with me and even works with me. Scared? Not yet, cos there's more!

*On some days I can be almost like a glamour girl but on other days I can be the ugliest thing on Earth, with bad hair, daggy clothes, oldest shoes and the most sleepiest eyes *tops it as a trainwreck model*. And the most interesting part is on those ugly days I don't care how I look and I don't want your comments either! *meeeoooow!!* But if you do comment, I can take it without biting ya. Yes I'm shit scary!

*I can listen to the same song a 100 times on the same day. Yes my iPod has been 'shagged' to death with the same song being played many a times, and if you look at the list of songs in there, you may find 4 different versions of the same song done by different artists. Don't panic yet. You may also find the oldest song and the newest gunk, from rap, reggae to slow rock and dance etc etc. Am I bipolar? Maybe, but who isn't ha? *points at you!*

*Sometimes when certain people annoy me, I have a running session of abuse in my head that don't have a voice *thankfully!*. In that session, I have told them off big time with all the rude words on Earth *$#%^&**$##*, and so I am calmer in my outward appearance, and I can tolerate them until they are finished with their bullshit. I get impatient with people who can't understand simple things and can't do simple things on their own! *rrraaaaaaaarrrraaa!*

*I have an obsession with being neat and clean no matter what. If things are in the wrong place 'physically', I shift them 'mentally' even before I have started to move them in real. Yes, I can burn down a house if it cannot be done! *why can't people be 'perfect' like me ha?* ;-)

*I hate loud noises, heavy coughing & nose-blowing in public and banging of doors. If anyone does that I shudder in anger and total irritation. I often block my ears with my fingers, right infront of those people that make such noises! It's time they get the message right?

*Sometimes I sit in my car and listen to music for a good 30mins or so. I just find a total sense of peace when I'm in my car all alone, in my garage with lights off, and just music as my company.

*I have really seen a ghost! *no it wasnt in the mirror*. I'm not joking either. I have even blogged about it long time ago. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't dreaming, I wasn't hallucinating. But I'm not that scared of ghosts...cos ghosts are harmless in comparison to the Living! That's what I believe. *I wish I was a ghost*

*I have an addiction of writing, reading, connecting and learning. I cannot seem to stop it. I wonder if I'd be doing that in my coffin too! I'm a total wisdom-whore and super fast multi-tasker. I can blog, work, eat, speak on the phone, think, hunk-watch, sleep etc all at the same time! I can also bludge one whole day and get all the work done in the next minute.

*I can start off a conversation with any old stranger just about anywhere. I did that on Sat with an old man who was listening to me talking to my mum in Sinhalese, inside a lift. I was quite loud, forgetting it was a shopping-centre lift, and was going on and on *what was I thinking, that was my house?*. And then suddenly I realised I was inside a lift with 3 other men. I stopped my blabber, smiled and apologised to the men. They all laughed! One old man got close to me and said 'if I was 50yrs younger I'd have learnt that language somehow and got to know ya better' and we both laughed and laughed like we were good ol friends.

*I can drool on a guy I desire, watch him from afar, fantasise an entire life with him etc etc yet get turned off so very easily by one small thing he says or does. I get bored easily and I tend to dream of a lover that don't exist in this world perhaps. Or do they? Most guys' typical behavior make me suffer, both physically and mentally! *proof: my scarred dreams, immortal single life and lifelong brain-damage!*

*I'm moody, trust me when I say that. I can be the bestest company but I can also be the most moodiest biyatch you can ever come across! Just leave me at those times please. Or else, you'll start slapping me on the face! *blame it on my genetic design*. I hate talking on the phone for too long. There are times I don't answer the phone on purpose, just cos I'm not in the mood. Sorry, I don't do half-arsed jobs - if I'm not in the mood, I'm not going to do it at all.

*My dreams often come true! No I'm not joking. I do have premonitions too. I also have some dead people passing messages to me in my dreams. Believe it or not, some very shocking things have taken place, just the way they have told me in my dreams. Sometimes I get strong visions/vibes/memories from a distant past (/previous life perhaps) that makes me all teary! Yes I'm freaky, perhaps psychic? I don't know either!

*Often I feel like a fish outta water. Crowds, public, parties, wherever I am, I feel that I'm mad and most people are sane. Cos they all seem to be living this methodical, organised, pattern-oriented lives...whereas I seem to be just watching them all. It's as if I'm some kind of spectator of this world. The last time I was at a crowd, some people were amazed that I blog. They asked me what's the point of blogging. I'm not sure if they'd understand, had I given them my answer.

Any surprises/predictions there? :) Got a manic side to ya? Share please.

That first pic is from the weekend...wore that white Spring dress for a bday party, although this manic kitten is feeling all the flu symptoms right now *cough cough* and I refuse to be my voice sounds like a man's voice eww eww eww I'm not sexy anymore! :*(. However the thought of going to see a John-Abraham-lookalike doctor is making me wanna sneeze more! *aichooooooo x 1000000!!!!*

Current Music: Maniac by Michael Sembello

Saturday, July 25

La Di Da Di Da!

yipppeeeee it's THE weekend! You see, I love weekends. Cos I believe that's when I shed my work-mask and become fully me. I can just be myself, do my thing, dance around in the house, eat loads and loads til I feel sick, and then puke if I want to. LOL! Today I have a bday party to go to in the afternoon...but there's some retail therapy to be done before that ;-).

Now, here's a little weekend game for ya. Fill in the blanks ok? Nothing 'preachy' this time *rolling eyes, typical Keshi ha?*. Lets just have some Unadulterated Fun ;-). So here it is:

Every man has a _____ and every woman has a _____!

Go for it. Good luck and hey just have fun!

Current Music: Kingston Town by UB40

Thursday, July 23

Today's Special Is Humility

Guess what? In the last 5 months, I have received 2 letters and 1 pic, from my sponsored kid in Sri Lanka! awww they were so touching, so heartfelt and so very soul-cleansing. Recently I sent him a stationary pack, some small gifts, along with a t-shirt. He had received all of that and wanted to thank me. I didn't wanna be thanked, I only wished I could do more. Something as simple as a Disney eraser pack, a box of markers, a sticker book and lead pencils which most kids over here have in abundance, seemed to have created magic in Baby-Dee's world. The kind of magic that he'd not come across in a far away rural village without the luxury of clean water or daily meals, let alone school accessories. I also sent him one of my pics, and he wrote in his letter that both his mum and he looked at my pic, and that he felt like talking to me and wished I was near him. Also, he stated that he's avoiding wearing the t-shirt I sent him, til his bday, so that he could wear it then. That brought warm tears to my eyes. It was just a normal t-shirt, nothing fancy. But to him, it was very special. Trust me, this whole experience to me is the ultimate Meditation of my life...I don't have to stand infront of a God's statue and pray, or meditate with chantings to purify my heart and soul. Sentiments expressed in Baby-Dee's letters are my Bible. I'm not saying I have attained enlightenment hell nah, I have a long way to go ;-), but I really can't understand how by going to a temple or reading the Geetha, and not really doing anything to help someone in need (be it a loved-one or strangers) that one can find some real peace of mind? I know alot of people like that in my own circle - they donate alot of money to the temples, cover the statues in gold etc etc but don't even have the time for or the inclination to help their own family and friends if the need arises. It makes me wonder why people do that. I always believed that hands that do service are holier than the lips that pray. Please note that I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal here and feel superior...I'm just saying that praying is of no use if there's no action. You don't even have to pray, if your life itself is a prayer.

I learnt something from Baby-Dee today. We may or may not have everything we ever wanted in life. But there is always a little magic hidden somewhere in the rusty attics of our bleeding hearts. And if we are humble enough to realise them, if we are energetic enough to cast away our fears, if we are courageous enough to bury our tears, we will find them. Baby-Dee was special enough to be humble, and was humble enough to find something special out of something so ordinary. His life may not be the same as my nephew's or your child's, but his heart is very special. I just want to say I learnt something from Baby-Dee today...and that is to be humble enough to find something special in every small gesture that comes your way.

Share with me stories of Humility and the contrary :). Let's learn from what's happening around us. Thanks guys!

Current Music: One Love by Bob Marley

Wednesday, July 22

Currently Not Hiring

Thank You for taking part in my last 'rather lengthy' post! It was not only a test about Keshi's love-life, it was also a test on Patience from your side. Those who took part, took time out to read and answer ALL the qns, I really do appreciate that. It only goes to show that you really care. Blogging is not just about commenting, it's also about making one another feel appreciated and understood. I had a need to be fulfilled through that post. And that is to conclude my Romance realise where I stand. Now here are the scores in comment-order. Above 80% is pretty good I think. That means you know me too well OMG congrattz! All of you who took part were good. Welldone all of ya and thanks for making me laugh with your comments! :)

Jack - 75%

Dave - 15%

CN - 80% *you know me too well boy!*

Preeti - 40%

Suresh - 65%

Thousif - 60%

Jeevan - 65%

Devil - 40%

Amit - 65%

Rat - 75%

Ria - 90% *I had a premonition about this!*

Devika - 85% *We are so alike indeed!*

Cess - 80% *A French ME over here!*

Joyce - 75%

Ammu - 70%

Anuz - 5% *lol*

Anits - 75%

Conclusion: It's official. My love-life is in extinction. *if you spot a White Rhino, do let me know!*. I'm an introvert when it comes to approaching potential partners, not because I was born one, I was made to be one. I became a nerd when it comes to romance, cos I had to. *cut the sweet crap, get on with it! I get bored very easily*. While I'd be a good lover, I don't make any effort to find that person I could be a lover to. HAHA! Why? I seem to be floating in clouds of memories and not moving on from the past *I just don't want to be bothered, I'd rather have a shower!*. I still do enjoy flirting, sexual tension, casual conversations etc, but I draw the line just there, and I say Good Night. I'm not scared of being in a relationship, neither am I scared of being alone. No it's not that I don't want a partner either. Then WTF is it Keshi? I think I'm just bored with it all and I'm plain lazy. Relationships are hard work...too many sacrifices...too many expectations...too much of distraction...too many 'must-do's than 'just-be's *no offense to anyone in a relationship*. I'm being honest here rather than being politically correct. Relationships just take too much time and energy...sometimes, they drive you away from what you really's all routine, boxed and mundane for someone like me. They waste my emotions, time and energy. In the end I'm so exhausted by it all, I'd rather be alone. I don't want to be a part of a circus just to please others. If I'm happy, I'll be there. If not, I'm not gonna do it. In comparison to my past relationship experiences, being single *my current phase* is the happiest and freest of my life. Currently I think I'm right where I belong. Perhaps, if I'm meant to share my life with someone, it will happen in future. But I'm not gonna sweat about that now. It if it happens, it will, if not, I'll still be ok. I'm happy and I'm cruising just the way I am right now. But that doesn't mean it should be the same for everyone. This is just my opinion based on my life. To each his own. Now can God create something NEW for me to venture into and explore other than a relationship? *bored, rolling eyes, zzzzzz, zaps!* BUT if John Abraham comes around, I might reconsider what I just stated above! *a thousand apologies* ;-). Guys approach me...alot of them. I just can't be bothered anymore. You think I'm in love? That I'm sent from above? I'm not that innocent.

Current Music: Oops I Did It Again! by Britney Spears

Tuesday, July 21

Marital Status: It's Complicated!

While discussing about 'Marriage' with Devika during a random chat, something she wrote in a reply to me brought about an idea for a post. :) So here I am. Now all of you know Keshi is single *stale news ha!*. This is not a post to find a man for me but it's simply a Keshiology analysis based on what you all know so far about my romantic side, and to find out how the world perceives me as a partner. This test has been prepared carefully to capture the perceptions of each individual who sits for this test, to gather all the answers and arrive at a conclusion about my *currently non-existent* love-life, in the next post that is. Now here are the questions. There is 1 correct answer for each question *though you may perceive me different to what I see myself as*. That is what I'm trying to find out :). All you've got to do is write each qn first, and next to it write the whole answer (not just a, b, c or d). Kapish? Good on ya. Now dive in!

1. Keshi spots a desirable guy who shows an interest in her. What does she do?

a. Rolls her eyes
b. Smiles at him with a hint of blossoming romance in her eyes
c. Hands him a Dating-for-dummies Guide and leaves
d. What, who, why?? *slaps!*

2. At a party, an Antonio-Banderas-lookalike hero walks upto Keshi, and asks her for a dance. What does Keshi do?

a. Politely accepts the request and dances with him
b. Tells him to get a life
c. Burps and rejects his request cos she's too busy drinking & winking!
d. Jumps on him and says 'I've been waiting, for a MAN like u, to come into my life!'

3. Keshi's idea of a romantic evening with that special someone is

a. Cuddle up by the fireplace *provided it's Winter, if not we'd be 2 BBQd lovers!*
b. Beachside cafe with light music, candles and alot of whispers in the dark
c. An all-night-long romp at his place *cough cough!*
d. Making him cook for her and do the dishes too

4. What turns Keshi on?

a. Watching the back of her guy *and drooling ofcourse*
b. Shirtlessness
c. A good long conversation that stimulates each other
d. Oysters

5. When was the last time Keshi kissed a guy?

a. 500yrs ago *in the Dinosaur era*
b. 2 days ago
c. Last year
d. In her previous birth

6. What's Keshi's idea of THE ultimate relationship?

a. Marriage
b. A live-in relationship with no strings attached *don't know about G-strings though!*
c. Being surrounded by Love no matter what her marital status is
d. Being a PR manager at a Hotel

7. What attracts Keshi the most?

a. A guy with a good heart & a good sense of humor
b. A guy with a good income
c. A guy with big...shoulders I mean!
d. A guy with a good blog

8. What is the one thing Keshi loathes about being in a relationship?

a. Having to share the bed with a snoring man
b. Not having enough freedom to be herself
c. Wet towels on the floor and toilet seat issues
d. Invasion of foreign agents such as sperms

9. What do you think Keshi would do to her man when he spills coffee on her new bedspread?

a. Hit him on the head
b. Cry and make him buy her a new one
c. Forgive him, put the bedspread to wash and make him a new cuppa
d. Scream murder til the Police arrives!

10. How many boyfriends did Keshi have so far?

a. 156 *on her way to the STD clinic*
b. 4
c. Nil
d. If pet-kittens count, 13

11. What quality in a man excites Keshi?

a. Good taste in music
b. Passionate kissing capabilities
c. Viagra
d. His car

12. Keshi thinks a great kiss starts with

a. Lips
b. Conversation
c. Bacardi
d. Sex

13. When Keshi's guy is in trouble, she'd

a. Help him out
b. Dump him immediately and find a new one
c. Abuse him and make him feel small
d. Go on a holiday leaving him down in the dumps

14. When it comes to asking a guy out, Keshi is

a. Conservative - waits for the guy to make the first move
b. Would ask him out if she really likes him
c. Rings up his parents straight away to plan the wedding
d. Sends him for a blood test and a Gingivitis checkup!

15. Keshi's ideal place to get married is

a. A low-key beachside wedding with close fam & friends
b. A Las Vegas eloping session
c. On the bed, proposing to each other over coffee
d. At somebody else's wedding, to cut the costs *recession and all*

16. Keshi's ideal place for the Honeymoon is

a. A romantic getaway to the Bahamas
b. At their place, just the 2 of them
c. Visiting her sponsored child for the first time with her partner
d. She doesn't like Honeymoons

17. Sex to Keshi is like

a. Cocaine to a drug addict
b. Rains to the deserts
c. Social security to the unemployed
d. Religion to the extremists

18. Keshi and her partner are in bed, and suddenly she blurts out her ex-BF's name in her dreams. What does she do to cover it up?

a. She has a lil chat with herself while rolling her eyes
b. She jumps out of bed and calls her shrink up
c. He knows everything about her, so she doesn't worry
d. She blocks his ears with cotton buds and goes back to sleep

19. Keshi finds out her partner cheated on her just once. What does she do?

a. Forgives him straight away cos she always cheats on him too
b. Listens to what he has to say, asks for time to think over it and then depends on how she feels, warns him and she'll give him a second chance
c. Files for divorce the very next day
d. Leaves him and becomes a nun

20. Keshi is heading for a Separation. What's the reason?

a. He forgot her birthday
b. He has an annoying mother
c. He doesnt look like John Abraham anymore!
d. He lost respect for her

Thanks Devika for triggering this post ;-). This post is dedicated to all the SINGLE people out there. May you always know what Love is, whether you find a partner or not. It's better to be single than to be in a relationship for the fear of being alone. Life is a huge fun-ride, so never stop having fun. And always keep it real. It's healthier to be true to yourselves than to live a lie. Ciao!

Current Music: I Wanna Know What Love Is by Tina Arena

Monday, July 20

The Last 48hrs

Today we are in a little LIFE Workshop :) All you've got to do is take the weekend as an example. Now have a good look at how you spent those 2 days. What did you do on Saturday and Sunday? Let me first tell you what I did.

Put Some Flowers In Your Hair...
Saturday: Spent most of the morning shopping...3 bdays coming up this weekend, so went gift-shopping. aww I also ended by buying this very pretty white Spring dress for me :) *yes the Spring collection is already out!*. Bought my sis this very cool Prada perfume gift set for her bday *shhhh don't tell her yet*. All the ladies at the shop surrounded me and was chatting with me while wrapping her gift, and we had a nice little convo about bdays, gifts and Prada & whatnots *the devil does wear Prada after all ;-)*. Later, mum and I met for lunch at the Mall. On the way back, I drove to the Pet shop. No I wasn't getting any new Pets but I longed to see some puppies, kittens and bunnies. So I stopped by and played with them. Made me so happy. Then we went home. At night, we had a Sri Lankan dinner & dance (buffet) to attend with fam & friends at a Bowling club. It was THE best. Great company, yummy Sri Lankan cuisine, top music, alot of dancing and smiles & laughter. Some guys tried to pick me and a friend up on the dance floor. It didn't work *rolling eyes*. Instead I went upto a guy that my friend was drooling on and was too shy to approach, and managed to talk to him and get his number for my friend! How did I do it? I walked upto him, asked him if he went to a certain school cos he resembled someone I used to know *corny pickup line I know, but it worked!*, he said No and he asked if I went to this certain Girls school, I said No, then the convo continued and he ended up giving me his number LOL! And I passed it on to my friend later on. I also intro'd my friend to him. Let's see what happens *fingers & toes crossed I hope I don't fall for him LOL! The dude's not bad at all ;-)*. Came home around 2am and slept like an overworked kitten on drugs! *zzzzzzz dun disturb kitty kesh*

Running Is Better Than Sprinting...
Sunday: Woke up late *obviously, and I looked groggy and so un-Prada-ish ewww!*. Dropped mum at a friend's place. Came home and cleaned up the place a bit. Showered. Ate some food. Went to pick mum up listening to Dire Straits in my car and tapping on the wheel and whistling the tune like a crazy hippie on a high. Came back. Checked my blog and email, that had me smiling for awhile. At about 2pm we all drove to a beachside cafe with my cousins for a nice long chat, a light meal and coffee. It was THE best. We had such a great time talking, laughing, catching up with each others' lives while watching the waves, and something very good came out of it too. We found out that one of our cousins' friends is a lesbian and she's trying to hit on my cousin! She freaked out. But it's true. We all worked it out, from all the clues that were laid on the table. But we asked her not to panic and told her not to respond to that girl's messages. My cuz looked really scared LOL! Then we all headed home, dropped my cousins at their place, talked to my uncle who is bedridden, had a long chat with him, went to his lonely little world for an hour or so, and came back home. I was feeling sad for my uncle. Yet I danced my way to the bathroom. Showered again *yeah I have a showering obsession!*. Changed into my Pyjamas. Turned the Heater on. Sat on the couch. Watched TV having dinner while chatting to mum. Lazied around for awhile *bored and all*. Rang my friend up *the divorced guy from the last post* who didn't pick up the phone * he did just now yeyy!*. Went to bed.

A typical weekend isnt it? But alot happened in those 2 days and I took up alot of roles. I had many moments of many heights. A jolly, happy one..and then a sad, teary one....and then a funny, girly one etc etc. That is what Life is. All kinds of moments with varying depths and heights. And all those moments need to be fully lived...and that's how I know I'm living to the best of my abilities. I don't like half-arsed jobs. During a specific moment, I'm there fully, or I'm not there at all. Are you? When I'm at the Pet shop, I'm totally a kid. When I'm with mum, I'm totally a responsible yet a chatterbox daughter :). When I'm with my uncle, I'm totally an old man with an ailing body. When I'm with my cousins, I'm totally their nutcase bringing laughter to the table. When I'm with a friend, I'm totally a therapist of the heart, listening to their story. When I'm in the shower, I'm totally Shania Twain with an invisible *thank God!* audience listening to my voice. When I'm with myself in my car, I'm totally a freestyler, being the best company I could be to myself. I LIVE every moment to the fullest, good/bad, happy/sad. Put some flowers in your hair, and see the difference it makes. Run if you must, but don't sprint all your life away...take it slow, stop and feel the fresh air....don't wait for things to happen, just live in the moment, cos that's all we've got.

So tell me...if the last 2 days were your last on Earth *God I hope not!*, and if you were reminiscing it from afar now, would you have lived it to the fullest, would you have fully basked in every moment in those 48hrs, would you have given your undivided attention to others around you and to yourself, would you have slipped into the life of another to understand them better, would you have stopped to smile and say 'I'm good thanks and how about you?', would you have no regrets or broken hearts to mend, would you have lived or existed, would you have cared or would you have escaped it all? Would you have lived every day of your life?
You don't have to do big things to have lived life. You don't have to achieve the highest to have felt life. You don't have to hold a big position to know about life. You don't have to go to parties or have a flashy car to feel that you have a great life. Just 'live' in every small moment that you're given, feel them fully, bask in them and grasp the messages that life sends you without a fee. May you 'live' every day of your life.

So what was your last 48hrs like? Let me know ;-)

Current Music: Sultans Of Swing (LIVE) by Dire Straits

Friday, July 17

I Spy With My Little Heart...

1. I know what you are. You're the 'dictator' of my actions. You are EGO.
2. I know what you are. You're the 'messenger' of my soul. You are LOVE.
3. I know what you are. You're the 'preserver' of my decay. You are ANGER.
4. I know what you are. You're the 'protector' of my sanity. You are HUMOR.

The top solvers are Jay and Shachi! You guys nailed all 4 of them, congrattz woohoo! You get the 'Works Of Heart' award from Keshi! :) Enjoy it and welldone guys! It's not that easy to read someone else's mind and get all the answers right too. You're brilliant Jay and Shachi, I don't think I could have done that. And, thanks ALL others too for the great attempt there and I must say, each and everyone of you had a very good understanding of the riddles and intended answers. Most of you got almost all of them right and that's great :). And though we all had somewhat different answers to each one of the riddles, it only goes to show that each and everyone of us perceive life differently. That's the beauty of humans...we all see the same thing in many different ways, so we interpret the same thing in many different ways. So, good on all of ya! :) I loved all your various interpretations. Made me learn alot about my own perceptions too. Thanks alot for taking part and welldone all!

No Love In Town?
Is Love playing Hide & Seek with you? Looking for a love supreme? Feeling deprived? All the best women are married? All the handsome men are gay? And all those best friends are nowhere to be found? Your heart cant find Love anywhere around you? o well, Love is the hardest thing to find and implement. Isn't it? I guess alot of us are looking in all the wrong places, that's why. Love is not in someone else. It is not in some other place. It is not in the money we make or the looks we possess. It is not in the amount of friends you make or the kind of romance you have in your life. It is neither in the number of achievements or assets you have. It is in the quality of what you give to others, no matter who/what that other person is. Love is in you. It is nowhere else but in you. Still, you feel derpived and that love is nowhere to be found, even as you give it to others? So you go searching for someone to give it to you. Now you finally feel happy. And then after some time, it all falls apart and you hate that person. What happened to the Love? You didn't find love in the first were only looking for company...someone to make you feel appreciated in this lonely world. But Company is not Love. Company is just Company. Love is not in your Marriage certificate or in the Engagement ring or in your Facebook friend-list. For I know so many marriages and friends without Love. Love isnt a race, a competition, a requirement or a societal obligation. We feel so loveless cos we are not opening our hearts in a way that we don't mind not getting anything in return. Love is not selfish, conditional or selective. It doesn't expect to be loved back equally. It surpasses everything else in quality. It's content on it's own...standing somehow, even when not receiving anything in return...existing without being dependent...forever flowing like a river, cutting through all it's barriers, until it reaches it's destination, where it shines in it's optimal bliss not willing to falter one bit. It doesn't seek for company alone, it seeks to reach out and do what it's meant to do, even when receiving nothing in return. Just like how a river flows in it's carefree dance of nature. With or without you, I continue to blossom and flow. I'm not deprived cos I'm Love.

This weekend, I have a dinner to attend tomorrow night with some friends. And I also have some catching up to do with a long lost friend. I'm gonna surprise him by calling him after 2 long years...wonder what he's upto. Cos the last time I heard from him, he was in the middle of a divorce after just 2yrs of being married, and then I lost touch with him. In his own words, he told me that that was the 'wrongest' choice he had made in his life...and that was a LOVE marriage. Have a good weekend guys!

Current Music:
Supreme by Robbie Williams

Tuesday, July 14

Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That...

Here's a set of 4 riddles created by Keshi. Yes I'm on a mission to test your analytical skills on a personal level ;-). No you don't have to be a master of life or a great philosopher to get it right. It's only a matter of having some fun in a game with a touch of reality. All you have to do is try and solve these riddles to the best of your abilities. After all, the riddles were written by a mere mortal herself :). clue: They are all 1 word answers. *great clue there ha Keshi!;-)* All the best! You don't have to get them all right, but if you do, you'll have a surprise in the next post ;-).

1. You try to drop me, but I refuse to be dropped. You try to please me, and I can never get enough. You try to leave me, but I make you leave others. You try to climb on me, but I sit on top of you. You give in to my desires and lick my feet. I am the hardest to tame, the easiest to feel and I hurt the most even when I'm slightly shattered. So, you better take good care of me! Cos I think I'm the most 'important' thing about you, yes I am! What am I?

2. I know that I have so much potential. I am the only way people can truly be happy. By giving me to others and to themselves, I know people would finally set themselves free. I sound so easy to acquire, but in real I am the hardest thing to find and to implement. I wish more people truly understood me though, for I know that if I am utilised to my utmost potential, I can heal and even prevent alot of misunderstandings and misdeeds. I sit here waiting to be picked up by all of you. What am I?

3. I don't let anyone move on. Cos I believe in burning in raging flames. I believe in carrying on with the past somehow. I have a neverending love affair with the past. I won't let you see the present or the future. I wish to remain in what happened and not in what should happen next. Forget about forgetting, indulge in me! I won't let you progress cos I thrive in my own world...I love to see smoke and ashes of what was once fresh and lively. I can destroy everything for you as long as you hold on to me and never let go.
What am I?

4. If you find me under most situations, then you're really lucky. Take me seriously and your life will be alot less serious...yes you heard that right! Some people make good use of me, some others use me to get across a real message and some others misuse me in bad taste. I can be the best motivator even on your darkest day. But it's amazing how most people don't bother to call on me, not even once in a while although I'm free and available all the time. I'm a sense in you that you can tickle your way up to good health and a well-lived life. What am I?

Have a go. Answers and top solvers (getting all 4 answers right) will be announced in the next post. Also, do tell me which one was your favourite out of the 4. Now let's see what comes out of this post. I cant wait to read all the comments. ;-)

On other news, right now I'm 6 feet from the 'edge'. Last week I had a moment where after reading an email, my coffee and brekky suddenly went cold. Cos I couldn't eat anymore...I was shattered. But later on, that email itself made a revolution inside my had lead me to contemplate a major change in my life - something that would make me shed what I'm 'used to', and tap into 'bettering' my life. So, that means even something that makes you instantly lose your appetite can be a the trigger for a hidden change that's waiting to happen...a good change. Sometimes disappointments, offense and rejection are the best motivators in life. They make you go and do things that you've never even imagined doing. They give you a heads up on new horizons waiting to be conquered. M
aybe 6 feet ain't so far down then? I strongly believe there's always something new to discover from every turn-off, every bad news, every riddle & every lost track, and I know I will find a new path somehow...I'll solve it. Always have faith in yourself. Now don't forget the above riddles, catch ya all soon! ;-)

Current Music: Six Feet From The Edge (one last breath) by Creed

Saturday, July 11

Are You Blessed?

I was thinking to myself...

Everyone can 'look' beautiful, but not everyone can 'be' beautiful.


Everyone can 'move on' but not everyone can 'let go'.

Do you have anything to say about the above thoughts, or any such thoughts to share with me? Fill in these blanks then.

Everyone can ______, but not everyone can ______.

Think carefully, use your imagination, personal experiences and knowledge, and fill in the blanks. Let's learn from one another.

Have a good weekend guys!

PS: My sincere apologies for not being to your blogs lately, cos I was extremely busy at work and at home too...too many engagements, both work-wise and personal. At work I have been running around to clients' offices, and at home, I have been flat out with family and friends. Will visit you all as soon as I get some 'quality' time to blog ok. Take care and thanks for all the love here, even in my absence. It means alot to me.

Everyone can make you cry, but not everyone can make you laugh.

Everyone can leave, but not everyone can last.

Everyone can breathe, but not everyone can live.

Everyone can frown, but not everyone can smile.

Current Music: Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life (from Monty Python)

Wednesday, July 8

A Midsummer Night's Tears...

I never dreamed you'd leave in Summer
I thought you would go then come back home
I thought the cold would leave by Summer
But my quiet nights will be spent alone...

You said there would be warm love in Springtime
That is when you started to be cold
I never dreamed you'd leave in Summer
But now I find myself all alone...

You said then you'd be the life in Autumn
Said you'd be the one to see the way
You know I never dreamed you'd leave in Summer
But now I find my love has gone away

Why didn't you stay?

Woke up to my alarm at 2:30am last night, sat infront of the TV for the next 3hrs watching the most touching memorial my spirit has ever known. I just choked up with tears at this particular song by Stevie Wonder - Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer...the song has an amazing touch that grips your soul and leaves you feeling every emotion in it. I was just bawling my eyes out til dawn. Paris Jackson you spoke very little my dear, but you spoke volumes for the world to know what a wonderful man your dad was.

For someone to touch so many hearts in every corner of the world and across all cultures , to break all barriers, to create such a massive emotional outburst, to stop the world and leave it feeling so very empty, to create such a hype, a man has to be very very special. Amen.

I never dreamed you'd leave in Summer... ... ...why didn't you stay?

Current Music: Never Dreamed You'd Leave In Summer by Stevie Wonder

Sunday, July 5

A Silent Requiem...

As a mark of respect and love, there wont be any new posts here til my fav humanitarian MJ is farewelled. I cannot seem to write anymore, I don't know why. Sorry guys. Words fail me and even though I wrote more than 1 tribute post to MJ, the pain doesn't seem to only seems to grow. And now I wanna remain silent. And his final rehearsal vid made me cry so much I have never cried that much in such a long time. I swear I don't want to see that vid again, it hurts so much...his wide, genuine and that beautiful trademark Jacko smile after the lights were dimmed, will haunt me for life.

There are other posts below that you can read until I start writing again. I have disabled comments on this one. Take care and
LOVE one another, for the Love that MJ created both in his life and in his death has now been revealed to the world, and he united the world in his Death...embrace that Love. Live in love, appreciate people when they are around, hurt none, give without expecting, do something good for someone, be kind, be compassionate, let go, smile, reach out, forgive, be the bigger person, work on it, live for today, give thanks, be true to yourselves, stop existing and start living...

I'll see yous later.

Friday, July 3

A Place Where There's Space...

As a die-hard fan of Jacko, I seem to be grieving indefinitely. I cannot express enough how very sad I have been feeling in the last few days and how much of a personal sense of loss his death is to me. I don't feel like doing anything and I'm not myself at all, and I know my b'day will never be the same again. I'm so disturbed by his death, I don't think I'll ever be the same again. A part of me died along with his death. You may be surprised cos I didn't know him personally...but I knew him on an emotional level through his music, dance and lyrics. His life, his passion, his fears, his love, his triumphs, his demons, his last few years, his death...they have all changed the way I see the world now. Yes rockstars can have such an effect on you cos some ARTISTS BRING LIFE TO LIFE. The Keshi that was pre-MJ's death is no more. Drama? Not really. Cos if you didn't grow up with his music, you'd never know how I feel would you? You don't know how it feels when MJ's music creeps into your body and soul do you? You don't know what it is to have his music running through your veins do you? A singer has never touched me this 'personally' through his music and lyrics...he wrote and sang life.

He is moonwalking to Heaven right now. I somehow find some small comfort in the fact that MJ has left a world where people didn't leave him alone...where sadly people chose not to see the greatness in him, instead to concentrate on his personal life. It's harder and takes more guts to trust someone than to assume things about them. But most people chose the easier option and made life hell for Jacko. He stood out in the crowd, and some people couldn't stand it. He not only made great music but he gave so much to Charity and to the world, and lived in Love. He was a great Humanitarian in every sense. Yet people who wanted to make money out of him used him to their advantage. It's appalling to realise what a sick world we live in...a world where some people would do anything for a quick buck and 15mins of fame and attention. I can't believe some people are still going on with sick jokes and judgements about him. All the rumors about his hair, his skin, his sexuality, his habits, his this and does it matter to you?? Take a good look at your own selves before you point fingers at others. Just live and let live! And just STFU will ya. He's dead now...there's no need to kill a dead man, is there?

How do you say Goodbye to someone you don't want to say Goodbye to? I usually do it this way...I believe that they are going to a better place...a place that they will be happier and that they are leaving for the best. That's how I say Goodbye to someone I don't want to see leaving. Death is not a punishment...sometimes it can be the ultimate peace you waited for. Sometimes Nature has a way of claiming life when it's just better that way. I hope Jacko found Peace now. As much as I'm deeply saddened by his untimely death, I'm happy for him too...I'm happy that he's in a better place now...a place where there is space...where hearts are not small and love is not for sale. Where there is enough room for acceptance, forgiveness and unconditional love. He's at a higher state of being now, on a completely fresh plane of the spirit world. Goodbye MJ, you were one of a kind! Know that with all your ups and downs, you were just PERFECT. You really healed the world. Hopefully we will get to listen to your voice, watch your cool moves and dance with you again in another time, at another place. God bless your superenergetic and beautiful spirit! XOXO

Do you have enough space in your heart to accommodate someone that is not you? Does your heart have enough room for others? Is it a spacious place for love or is it cramped up with you alone? It doesn't take much to create some space for others...just a little space?

There's a place in
Your heart
And I know that it is Love
And this place could
Be much
Brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need
To cry
In this place you'll feel
There's no hurt or sorrow

There are ways
To get there
If you care enough
For the Living
Make a little space
Make a better place...

Current Music: Heal The World by Michael Jackson

Wednesday, July 1

The Birth, Life & Death Of A Feeling...

You decorated yourself with lies. You bought me with your fake persona. You promised me bullshit. You wasted my time. You lured me into believing you. And then one day, you just shed your mask. And I saw the beauty that wasn't you. I saw it falling apart...down to the floor, shaking the grounds and the very core of my heart. I saw it break into a million pieces. I picked up one piece, that had cut my skin and made me bleed...

It hurt for awhile. But today when I woke up, I couldn't find that longing in my heart for you anymore. It had left my being without my knowledge. Something that I thought would never leave me, had now expired. Something that I thought would haunt me for the rest of my life, had now left me in my sleep. Something that I tried to kill countless times, had now killed itself without any attempt from me.

Yes our desires, longings, wants and cries may go unheard today...people may hurt you again and again, and you may wonder why that it is so, and why it's happening only to you. And you may try to kill the feelings so very hard, you may do anything and everything to bury it and move on, but it returns to you the very next day. So you nurse it like a baby, you look forward to it's touch, you become the feeling and the feeling becomes you. You wait for it to switch on every single day the moment you wake up. You live by it no matter how much it hurts you. And it keeps repeating itself for days and months, and even years. But, one day you will wake up and realise it's gone. Gone for good. And you can't get it back even if you try to...even if you try feeling that way again. You may search your entire heart to catch that same feeling again, but it's not there anymore. At first, you struggle, you feel uncomfortable not feeling that way again. But you realise that it had decided to die on it's had beaten itself to it's own demise. And you are free again. You can't even believe it!

I have become resilient to hurt. You will never get to me again. Every feeling has a birth and a death. Give it some time. Bask in it fully. And one day, it will be gone, just like that. And you are free to stand on your own 2 feet again. And when the same feeling returns on another occasion, you are better equipped to handle it this time. And you know that it will leave you again some day. So, don't shun your feelings, and don't depend on them too much either. For most of them are temporary...most of them has an expiry date, just like anything that's alive.

No one wants to be defeated
Show them how funky strong is your fight...
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it, just beat it...

Current Music: Beat It by Michael Jackson